For the past few hours I’ve been trying to figure out how to get the trial of Dragon Quest X to work on my PC. Download it and install it. Right, sounds easy enough. But too bad the whole friggin thing is in Japanese and  I had to create a Japanese Yahoo account, which itself took around 2 hours. You know those, ‘captcha’ things they use to authenticate you’re a real person when creating an account for something or posting on a forum? Well I had to do one of those in Hiragana and I spent way too much time staring at symbols that mean nothing to me. Anyway, I finally got it to download and install and now the updater is at…5%…

So I happened to have a NES cart of, “Where in Time is Carm Sandiego” sitting on my desk in front of my this whole time and I had my daily epiphany (I don’t really have daily epiphanies). That’s supposed to be Carmen stealing the crown from some olde tyme aristocracy. Why, throughout my entire youth when this game was relevant (was it ever relevant?) did I not realize what this picture was SUPPOSED to be? I always thought it was just a bunch of people dressed up in periodic clothing to let you know the game was about time travel. Never did it dawn on me that Carmen had uncrowned a noble and absconded with the treasure while armed guards do NOTHING.  And is she even really trying to get away? So let’s analyze this picture:

Woman in red – She’s actually dead and not really there. That’s why no one noticed her dismay and calls for help when Carmen came in to take the crown. This is where M. Night Shyamalan got his idea for the 6th Sense.

Man on Left – he is a dandy fop and unable to act

Pregnant Woman – initially I thought she had just fainted, but by her body language and angle of leaning, you can tell she’s beginning to go through contractions. The placement of the gentleman’s hands behind her lends an idea of her condition as he seems to be gently holding her mid torso, making sure to not wrap fully around her stomach.  Also, it’s obvious her water broke and is evaporating from the heat given off by Carmen’s time machine

Man on Right – he’s attending to the pregnant wench

Guard on Left – Is posing for a picture. Since the first cameras took 10+ minutes to take a picture, he has to stand around looking assertive until it’s finished. Also, they’re not invented for several hundred years later.

Guard in back – May or may not have Downs Syndrome. It’s typical of those with such a disorder to become confused easily under stressful situations and are ill equipped emotionally to deal with them appropriately. Hence this man’s fearful, yet menacing gesticulations. BTW, who gave him a sword?

Carmen Sandiego – What the hell is she riding? I would want to say it’s some sort of motorcycle, but I’m not sure there are any wheels. It looks as if it’s got some sort of Knight Rider-esque front frame, but instead wheels it appears to be mounted on a roman column. As a kid, being a fan of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure and having knowledge of their method of time travel, this method seemed no less strange to me. But recently I noticed that her legs are actually placed up beside her like riding a bike and now it doesn’t make sense. How is she supposed to make a swift get away when her vehicle of choice doesn’t appear mobile. I suppose it doesn’t matter when you under assault from guards of this nature.

7% update complete…. Ok DQX I guess you can wait until tomorrow.