Why Video Games Are Better Than Girlfriends

Let me preface this post by saying that I am happily married. However getting there was an arduous adventure with many resets, extra continues, and TONS of minibosses along the way.  If you’re a true gamer, you need to find yourself a gamer as well, or at least a girl that will understand your gaming compulsions.  When you meet a girl and she says, “I broke up with my last boyfriend because all he did was play that stupid game where you kill everyone.” That’s basically an enormously huge, flashing, neon, warning sign that you should call it off right there and not spend the next 8 months together, because she is NEVER going to understand that the next few days after a new release you are going to be unreachable and completely occupied.

Now I know I’m not the first one to have these ideas and I’m sure there’s some lists out there already, but here’s what I got:

Video games are ALWAYS in the mood. All you have to do to get a game turned on is push a button.

When you’re finished, you don’t have to wait for your game to finish too.

Cheating is allowed in video games and the worst that can happen is maybe missing out on an achievement.

When you’re done with the game altogether, you can get some of the money you spent on it back.

Hanging out with your friends isn’t ruined when video games show up. In fact, playing games with your friends is encouraged and usually more fun as a group activity. Your girlfriend is unlikely to be happy about being a “group activity” for you and your friends, and if she is, then that’s a whole different problem.

If you get bored with the games you have, you can try out some new ones without any feelings of guilt and your other games won’t be jealous at all.

If you do something wrong you can just reload from your last save point instead of having to hear about it for the next few weeks.

When Warhammer: Space Marine came out, we were pretty heavily involved. We were up for hours all night, every night for a while. That is until Dark Souls. Dark Souls and I had a very bittersweet relationship, but we weren’t exclusive.  I liked them both and was switching between Space Marine and Dark Souls whenever it felt right for me, and they were both cool with that. With Space Marine it was hot, fast, and intense and with Dark Souls it was nice to slow down and take my time knowing the reward would be worth the effort;  They both had something different to offer, so I was keeping my options open. No one got jealous and I had nothing to answer for. Then along came Skyrim. Right now Skyrim and I are quite monogamous. I haven’t even had the urge to set my eyes on another video game. Every free moment I have, I spend with Skyrim. But that primal lust for Space Marine still exists and I know I can hit up Warhammer for a booty call without any consequences.

To sum it all up, video games are better than girlfriends because they don’t argue, they don’t complain, they’re always there exactly when you need them to be and if you get mad at them you can just walk away without having to “talk about it”.

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About hypergorilla

I plays games.... a lot

Posted on November 23, 2011, in Not Reviews and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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